It's a Sunday morning and the taste in my mouth reminds me of yesterday. A terrible hangover. There was a note on the kitchen table: Stay Happy, Asshole!
The first day of the rest of my life. For a moment, I sit in my lounge and think about Santa’s dead reindeer, who lives next door, but there are other gaps to the story. I figured I had been blustering, when I see my black eye.
I had laughed at some trucker's t-shirt. My eye was black for six months and I learned not to laugh at the wrong guys.
I decided to reconcile the past events. I took the trucker a t-shirt, on which I had written with a marker the words "Real Truckers Beat The Pizza Fu*kers". The trucker burst into tears and we made a reconciliation. I, too, felt like crying. Soon I got to doodle these shirts for all of Finland's true truckers. Then someone got upset. Apparently such shirts were oppressive and discriminating.
I ended up in court. I took the judge a present, a "Rope & Hope" shirt I had drawn, and I won the case. The statement concluded that the shirts represented distasteful shit, but when have you hear that shit would be tasty. I mean, some people like Elvis.
Shirt orders began to come in at an accelerated pace, and I decided to outsource the printing work.
They started to be printed in three shifts. There was no such thing as a bad idea that couldn't have been made into a shirt. There was an outpouring of appreciation and honour, but sometimes there was also bad feedback.
The eyelet rope shirt should not have been made, but at court, hanging yourself in melancholy was found to be part of the Finnish cultural identity in addition to drinking spirits, ice hockey and listening to Motörhead, so the lawsuit was dismissed.
Today, Happy Asshole is an important part of Finnish export in addition to heavy metal bands, icebreakers and sexually transmitted diseases. Ideas for the shirts are created within the alcohol-flushed brain cells of our simple-minded production team, but in good faith.
Every day we get post from around the world, where a shirt is hoped for - in a variety of subjects. Our purpose is not to oppress or insult, but sometimes we do go a bit too far. Sorry about that.
However, we do believe that there are bigger worries in the world than the vulgar Happy Asshole shirts crafted by a small Finnish company somewhere far away at the North Pole under the Northern Lights.